I am 35, my partner 44. We both are engaged and been out for nearly 3 years. the first 2 years were sorting out his debts, remortgage, arrears etc. Now when his bonus arrives in April from work he should have now cleared all these issues. He worked hard for that bonus and things are on the up.
However, just lately, whenever I ask about a wedding date, he says when his money is clear and better we will look into wedding plans more so.
I feel I have been waiting in this relationship for 3 years for him to get himself sorted. We live in his house, which we had to rent out for 6 months while we lived in it with some real characters which wasnt nice and we broke up during that time.
Now its better and we live there alone, I have my own flat rented out as well. Financially things are fine, I dont have any debts or worries and work 60 hour week. Just lately, I have non stop colds, my job can take me to midnight 2 nights per week and at weekends we just or more like i just flake out from exhaustion.
I would like to half my hours and work part time and have children, he said he would love children, I have come off the pill now for 3 months but nothing as of yet ie not pregnant. I see his friends with their married lifestyle, 2 children, house, mortgage together and I get upset, somewhat jealous even at times and wish that was me. Their wives work part time….He mentions I dont contribute to the house, (its still not in his name, but with his ex because of arreas pending) but I do, he pays the bills, I get the food and do up the house (which isnt mine) inside so its lovely and at the same time pay my flat as well ie mortgage, bills etc as the tenant in there only pays for the mortgage. So its not like I am saving money or fritting it away. We both earn roughly the same but he has the debts to pay off.
I worry also as my partner jokes and says he wishes he worked for himself, every monday morning him and his best friend call one another every morning before heading to work moaning about their jobs and hoping for a change one day. My partner even jokes about starting something else…which is fine but with his back log of previous debt he is just getting his things sorted out and then he says this which makes me feel really unstable about family/children etc. He doesnt like driving to work, so makes sure he is hardly in the office so instead works at home or travels to see clients then comes home afterwards, forever changing his mind throughout the week.
I am feeling a little lost even though he wants and says he wants a family and marriage. His best friend,been married 20 years, 2 children, 2 houses, one in UK the other abroad…..his wife is lovely but he still moans about her, talks about her horribly to my partner and like 2 school kids are like this every morning on the phone to work!
men will they ever grow up???? lol but I sense I am running out of time and patience here…I am not sure whether to wait for April until this is resolved ie his bonus but when I mention to him that its upsetting me, we end up rowing and he gets defensive, saying well I dont do this, dont do that…and on it goes….!!!
The house is immaculate, washing done, beds clean, cleaning done…I try as much as I can while working a full time job as well….sometimes I feel we live 2 separate lives, now we sleep in 2 separate rooms because I dont feel understood about this and it clears my head thinking alone.
thank you for reading such a long post!
x
first of all - a man of his age -44- must already have strong career, big salary and payed out house. and children. like his buddy. if he still hasn’t decided what the heck does he want and still has some debts and house not sorted out - he is a pretty lousy candidate for a father of your children. and u re 35 - when re u going to start having children? isn’t 35 already pretty late? so what re u waiting for? i say he is a boy, not a man and he will never grow up. some men re born grown up and mature and some die being spoiled useless brats. my husband for instance pays for everything and i do not work - i concentrate on my kids which are not even his - they re from my previous, useless, marriage. so u better sort the thing about money and children now, before u re 40.
